Brotherly Love

I recently moved in with my brothers and I've learned more about them in a course of a month and a half then I've ever known. That's saying a whole hell of a lot for brothers, right? I can sit here and write about how our bond or lack there of is all their fault or our parents fault but I won't. I've never been one to place the blame of my misfortunes on others whether I'm justified in doing so or not. It's a waste of energy and it gets you nowhere at the end of the day. It's easier to forgive then to hold onto a grudge. It's some pointless stress you put on yourself when you blame or hate.

Although we may have little in common there is an elephant in the room that draws us together. I have learned that we are at three different stages in our lives with the woman we love.

I mind my own business and keep to myself when it comes to my two older brothers in order to keep from fighting with them because they are very short tempered but this was one topic I had to at least listen in on. It's a topic I know quite a bit on.

My oldest brother, 30 years old, doesn't live with our other brother and I but he swings by the house from time to time and this is when I get to hear his woman problems through conversations on the phone with her. My oldest brother had a son, my only nephew, with the woman in question and because my brother never got his shit together to provide for his woman and kid she eventually left him. She put up with his ways for two to three years. I can't blame her for leaving but I get very upset at the way she went about her ways after she did. During the time she was with my brother she found confidence in being able to talk to me about their problems and her situation. She would ask me what I would do in that certain situation. You can imagine how I felt being put into a rock and a hard place. From what she told me I could tell she was unhappy and yearning to enjoy her youth while she still had it. I never once told her to leave my brother but I did say that every human being deserves to be happy. If you ever talk to me about any situation your in I'll never judge you because you'll have many people to do that for you. All people need sometimes is someone to listen and understand. That's who I am. Maybe a little too understanding at times. So when my brother's girlfriend left him she began to go clubing. Making up for lost time I guess. And this is where I pull out my red flag and lose all respect for her. She sleeps with another man and tells my brother about it. Not only does she sleep with a another man and tells him about it but does it in the most disrespectful and insensitive way possible. She said and I'm paraphrasing "I'm fucking a black man!". Now he is still trying to win her back or whatever but it saddens me to see him literally begging to take him back. Whether I believe people deserve second chances or not I would like him to forget her but its easier said then done. I know it is. It's painful to hear the conversations because I could hear the hopelessness in his voice and it reminds me all to well of my own hopelessness but he takes it to a whole new level because he goes to her house and watching it all accure first hand. He sulks and basks in the pain. That's where he stands as of now and I keep my silence on how I feel to myself and you.

My other brother, 29 years old, has reached a point in his life where he wants to settle down and have kids with a woman his been off and on with for 6 years. I've learn about his problems through the thin walls of this house. It seems I can expect an agruement between them at least every other day on the phone. She's been to the house a few times but I've only met her once. She seems nice. I'm going to play Dr. Phil here and say there issues lay in defining and accepting the labels of boyfriend and girlfriend and what that entitles. She wants to still be able to go partying with her girlfriends and he feels he can't trust her because he is batting 1 for 3. He has been in 2 other relationships in his life and both girls have cheated on him. His having trouble trusting her. I heard through a friend that this same brother managed to get himself on the Tom Leykis radio show and talk about his situation. From what I know they have recently become a couple and are working towards a bright fortunte... I hope so.

Finally there is me and my love life. What love life!? Haha. Anyone who knows me knows how I love and love hard. It's the main focol point in everything I do. It's something that consumes me. My relationship with my one and only AND I use the term "relationship" loosely as of late, is quite none existent. Somewhere along the course of a year it's become one to forget. Just waiting for the day the flames are reignite.