7 Pounds: Met Some People Along The Way

The best part of the whole experience of working on set of 7 Pounds was the people I met. Someone told me that I was spoiled on this production because everyone was so nice and the crew usually isn't. Besides the production team, the first group of people I got to become really cool with were the caterers. I had no chose. I was the first face they saw delivering breakfast and lunch orders everyday. It also helped that they were all mexican. They made me feel right at home.



Then came Ray and Damon. They were the craft service folks which are the people who serve all kinds of treats like fruit, yogurts, cake and that kind of stuff between breakfast and lunch and even after that. Damon and I developed quite the friendship even though we were quite the odd couple. He was black and I was brown, he was in his thirties and married and I was in my late teens as single as they come. It was in conversation about life's real important issues that we realization our differences were only in age and race. He once refered to me as "A young brotha with an old soul" and I found this depiction of me to be most interesting. One that instantly became cemented in my brain and I have a very bad memory. I'll never forget it. Before you knew it he was calling me his little buddy and I was calling him D. He had my back whenever I needed him and put a good word in for me whenever he could. When the day was getting long or hectic for either one of us he would call on me to sing the opening verses of Al Green's song "Tired of Being Alone" and we felt instantly relieved. We felt better. He found it funny how a 19 year old kid from East L.A. knew Al Green.



On set I had my share of nicknames. One was "Pastel" by the head chef Oscar and translated it literally means cake but in spanish it can also mean slow or dumb. When he called me that he didn't mean it as an insult. In our culture an insult is sometimes a sign of friendship as it was in this case. I was also given the nickname little Chris by transportation driver Carlos. It's a play on the name of rapper ludacris and also as well as my height. Carlos was also a cool cat. I'd ride with him at least once a day to set or basecamp so you know we had to get to know each other. It took me awhile to get around his name. Why you ask? Because it was Carlos and he was a black man from detroit. Some of the convrsation we would have were outrageous by our standards but not Carlos's. He would tell me about all the young women he had slept with and continues to even at the age of 50. I guess it's true that your only as old as you feel. He would give me advice and techniques to please a woman sexually. I mean no topic was too much for this guy. Damon and Carlos more than anyone else saw something in me that maybe I don't see in myself. If they didn't they wouldn't have bothered fathering me as they did. They gave me advice on life that only a person experienced would know. I told them how I see things and live life. Maybe they saw that I had my head on straight. That I was a good person but who knows. I feel like right now me being a good person doesn't account for shit! But thats another story for another blog. I've always been able to get along and communcate much better with older people and strangers then my peers. I feel I have nothing to lose because I don't and in the end I'm glad I've made those connections every single time.

When Paul's cousin was in town and worked as a PA with us for the time she did, he often had her work beside me so you know I was force to get to know her. She was this real white german gal with red her and a deep accent so you canimagine how I resisted at first. What would we talk about!? While she was here I learned to speak some german and more about German culture as it stand today then I think you ever knew. We got along better than I expected and Paul saw this. He told me that she once showed up very late to his home one night when she hadn't met anyone but the crew of 7 Pounds. He thought it was I who dropped her off that night. He thinks I had sex with her that night but not only did I not but I wasn't the one who dropped her off that night. He would tease me about having my way with his cousin almost daily while she was here. Towards the end of production when I thought he had forgotten about it and laid the idea to rest, he told me about an e-mail he received from her to tell him how she was doing and to say hi to everyone for her. He also said my name was the only one she mentioned so to this day he thinks I had sex with his german cousin.

The people who I remember most were not just the one's I dealt with on a daily bases. Actually two of them who were there for one day had a profounding affect on me. One day the production called for senior citizens as extras. Many of which were unable to travel to or from set without assistance. Watching these 70 plus geezers really planted the seed in my head that if I don't take care of my health now, I'll pay for it later. But then again who wants to live that long? It was on this day that I met Inez. I'm not sure if Inez was her real name or the character in the films name. She's the old woman Will's character visits in the hospital. In between takes they would tend to Inez's legs because they were bleeding very badly. I'm not sure what she had but it wasn't pretty to look at. They would tape her legs up and never having seen anything quite like it my eyes were glued. It was given orders to help Inez with whatever she needed and I did. She was so genuinely grateful to me for all my help that it became my honor to help her. We spent most of the day together, her 87 and I 19. She even joked "that's a ways apart". I simply replied with "Were the same age in spirit."

On the night we were shooting in the L.A. TIMES building in downtown I met Brooke. She was one of those Rent-A-Cop's who happened to be stationed were I was. We struck up a conversation that lasted hours. We spoke about our dreams and aspirations for most of those hours. She had quite the interesting story. She lived in detroit and had a vision of coming to los angeles to persue her dream of starting up an organization I forget what about. She had just enough money to come to los angeles and as soon as she got here she lived on the street up until she got the Rent-A-Cop gig. She now has her own place and last time I spoke with her she was going to have a big meeting with an executive. I hope it went well. On the night we met she told me something about myself that I didn't know. So much so that it gave me chills and struck a nerve. She looked into my eyes and ,I'll never forget this, said "I CAN TELL YOU'VE GIVEN ALOT MORE THAN YOU COULD, GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY FOR EVERY AND ANYONE AND NO ONE HAS STOPPED TO GIVE YOU A GENUINE THANK YOU. SO I WILL" She paused and said with the deepest sincerity "THANK YOU". Now its important that you know she told me this early on in the conversation before she knew anything about me. With that speech a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I can't explain it but she spoke volumes with that sentence. I never realized how I gave and gave and gave to people in hopes of getting a genuine thank you and not just a thank you because it's the thing to say. You know what I mean? I can't tell you enough how I needed to her that even if it came from a stranger. It's like someone sent her to me that night.

It's a beautiful thing when I look back at the memories I've created with all these different men and women, young, old, black, white, yellow, brown, american, german. In the end I realize none of it was a barrier for us and I'd like to think they'll remember me as I do them.

7 Pounds: The Love Letter

While working on 7 Pounds Catlin might have made a mistake in given me a pocket notepad. If you know me well you know that a blank sheet of paper is a green light for me to write the thoughts that consume me. In the 7 Pounds series of blogs I've been writing I found this notepad. Along with orders for scrambled Egg whites and turkey sausages I found an interesting bit of writing. There's a letter I wrote to someone, "The One" if you will, which I never delievered. I didn't have the courage or confidents at the time to give it to her and the price of rejections was too high. Rejection that would have taken sometime to recover from if at all. Now! If today is my last day on earth I wouldn't be satisfied if this bit of writing stayed hidden. I feel like sharing it. I find it to be a beautiful piece of writing that could only come to those who truely feel that way. There's no bullshiting around love! My heart would smile in knowing that any of you have received one or even written one like so. I've wriiten many like it before and I can't tell you how this one stands above the rest. It happens to be the most recent one I've written and I wrote it 4 months ago. I don't think I could write anything like it at this point in my life. I resist the urge to feel this way or to write about it now because it would hurt too much. I recall writing how in love I may be and how a person makes me feel but at the end of the day it's all for not if that person doesn't feel the same. That's what hurts. This piece of writing is a great example of who I was then, how I felt....and well how that feeling hasn't much changed.

When you asked me the question would I give up my dream of filmmaking for you I was quick to say I would. To be honest the question ran through my head many time before you asked it. I stand by it. That's an example of how I could defend it being love and nothing else. You would never put me in that position. You would never give me an ultimatum. A person can have whatever they want but if they don't have anyone to share it with then what is it really worth? I have my own example of happiness and it goes by the name &$!%@. You make me happy to be alive darling. I could have the shittest job, no friends but if I came home to you every night I'd feel completely blessed because as confusing, fucked up and unclear life can be, I look or think of you and everything makes sense. How can I know? How can I be so sure? I don't know. I can't be 100% sure but its something I wouldn't be ashamed to say I was wrong about. The risk of not trying is far greater. You are my happiness and anything less would be a disappointment. It's been a week and I miss you already. Not a day goes by in which you don't run through my head. Understand this one thing if only this one thing: Whatever I do, whatever life brings would be worth doing as long as it's with you. I see the successes, the failures, the battles, the experiences, the ups and downs in our future and can't imagine us facing them without each other. I want to be there for the day you graduate law school prouder then your closest family members. I want to be there to travel miles through state lines because you need me to. I want to be there for the birth of our child. How wonderful would it be if two people could find comfort, acceptance, in their tragedies with each other? Two people bonded in giving life a meaning and maybe realizing along the way that the answers they seeked were in each other the whole time. It's become more then just a nice idea of mine, it's become possibility since I've met you. It's a curious thing mi amor to not see you for a period of time and being anxious to see how beautiful you are as if I've forgotten. You still have the ability to make my knees buckle like the first time I told you I loved you. I also worry that you might not be the same person I fell in love with but once you smile back at me it's like a whole weight is lifted. The skies clear up and nothing else matters. If only we could feel that way forever.

You think it would have gotten me anywhere if I give it to her? I didn't think so then and I don't think so now.

7 Pounds: The Worst Day

The worst day on-set for me was when we were shooting the scene where Will Smith's character Ben and Rosario Dawson's character Emily have a picnic in a field of grass. To this day I can't watch that scene without cringing. On this particular day access from set to the caterer was not attainable through van because of a small, narrow, unpaved road of dirt and grass. Due to the fact that we were behind on schedule (which happened often and caused longer days and nights) the crew wasn't breaking for lunch. The PA's were asked to take orders from the whole crew so we could have them made ahead of time. We were having hamburgers which at the time didn't seem like it would be such a problem but we found out that there were so many different ways people liked there burgers.

The orders were being written down by Bobby, I would travel with the list and Sabena would help make the orders. I would then travel back with the lunches and grab the new list. We had this routine down to a tee tell we finished...or until we thought we finished. Bobby lost a list with the orders of the top dogs on set such as cinematographer Philippe Le Sourd, JP and by far the biggest most disgusting asshole on set David Jarrell the head Electric gaffer. The crew that hadn't ate were getting very anxious and upset everytime I'd return to set and there lunch weren't ready. You know how they love shooting the messager so the crew placed the blame unfairly on me. Daivd Jarrell threatened to stop production because he wasn't getting fed. He had the right to be upset because by law in the movie business the cast and crew need to be fed after 8 hours and it had pasted 8 hours.

The word would eventually get around to Paul and guess who got the blame? I'm not one to point the figure to anyone and there is an unwritten rule that you never through anyone under the bus so I didn't tell Paul it was Bobby's fault. Paul placed the blame on me and I took it. I didn't want to argue with him. Especially when he was working and infront of the whole crew. I bit my lip and kept working. It's what had to be done. Greg, who was working on set, rarely gets mad but he took out his frustration on me too. I didn't take it in a bad way because I understood that being on set he was taking alot of crap from the crew too.

You know the expression "there's no time to feel bad for yourself"? Well I found time. Everytime I traveled to get or pick up orders. With a landscape that should have brought nothing but a feeling of bliss, I was feeling blue. Then everything changed. I began to think of the love of my life. I took out the pocket notepad Catlin gave me and wrote down what I was thinking and going through at that moment. I'd like to share what I wrote. It went something like this:

''When I'm down in the gutters and I stop focusing on what I don't have, I think about what I do have and I merely needed to think of you to out weigh the negative."

Just like that I was relaxed. What does it say about the importance of a person to another when as bad of a day someone may be having they only have to think of that other person and all the grief, stress, conflict and confusion drifts away. It hit me in that moment of tranquility that I have found someone most spend there lives looking for and are never guaranteed to find.

The day finished without incident. I gathered myself and the HELL day on set ended with me reminding myself of how lucky I am.

7 Pounds: Paul Schneider

Doing my job right was crucial but unfortuntely I learn this after the facted. It's something my boss Paul Schneider tried to get through to me for what seemed to be all 51 days of production but it was tough when your job consisted of getting hair and make-up breakfast or lunch when they could have gotten it themselves. My follow PA's would tell me that I shouldn't have to do that. Early on I would screw up food orders by trying to memorize them. Enough so that Catlin gave me a pocket note pad to write the orders down.

It was tough to believe the impotance of my job when it was hiding behind a bush just in case a neighbor would come out of a house when we shot in a hollywood neighborhood. During the last week the crew was treated to a ten minute tease of the film and one of the scenes shown was where I was "the bush man". As I watched the clip besides being astonished that something I worked on was on an actual big screen, I saw the bush I was behind was very visible and it would have seriously affected the scene if someone was to pop out from behind it. Now this is one incident of many I could use as an example of how my job might have seemed unimportant to even me but was far from it.

Paul gave me opportunity after opportunity to prove myself and I often let him down. I hate letting anyone down. Makes me feel crummy. My performance was so bad as to have been a second job for Paul to look out for me and see what I was up to. I became a liability. I would have to warn the crew or anyone around the set to keep quiet or to avoid walking in a certain direction and I'd drop the ball. Someone would walk by or talk when they needed to be quiet. It wouldn't happen all the time but way to much. Now it didn't always happened out of complete carelessness from my part. There were times that I did warn people but to my surprise they ignored my cries. I think part of it had to do with the fact that they were grown ass people in their 30's and 40's who didn't take to kindly or respected a 19 year old punk kid telling them what to do. I would have to admit I also lacked that courage to persist and be confrontation when it called for it.

When the weeks drew closer to an end and I was given more chances to get closer to set, I'd find a way to screw it all up. The worst part of it was that the blame when not fall on me but on my boss Paul. When you screw up and get blamed for it thats one thing but when you screw up and someone else gets blamed for it well thats another thing. I took offense to that. I was really hard on myself. Even when I tried to be clearful I'd screw up. I lost count how many times I would get called on the walky talky the crew had and I wouldn't hear it because I was talking or paying attention to the wrong thing. "SOTO! SOTO! SOTO!", they would say. Soto because we had 3 other Chris's working on the film; Chris Bateman the Electric, Chris Samp the standby painter and Chris Gutierrez the location assistant.

"The better you do the more I'll have you do" Paul would say when I would become discouraged at the kind of job's he'd give me. He would give me advice and point out what I was doing wrong. He would give me a hard time and be brutality honest with me which I took constructively. He wouldn't have bothered with me if he didn't care about me or didn't see potential. When he would share personal stories with me about the times he was a PA I knew he was relating with me because he might have done the same mistakes I did.

Some of the other PA's might not have liked Paul and there were times were he was a real hard ass but I could say I really appreciate all he did for me, good and bad.

7 Pounds: Day 1

You only get one chance to make a first impression and I made a bad one. The first day of production was in Malibu. In fact the first two weeks were in Malibu shooting the beach sequences. Never having been to Malibu in my life I was late because I got lost. The next day I was on time but the third day the alarm to wake me up which was my phone, set to vibrate, fell off my bed and I never felt it. First thing Paul said was "strike 2. One more screw up and your gone." Halfway through the first week and I was almost fired. Those two weeks in Malibu were the toughest for me and I was starting to wonder if I would make it through the movie. Little did I know then that those would be the toughest two weeks of it all. I had to learn my job on the job and fast.

Catlin and I were asked to be there first everyday and last every night through out production. You could imagine waking up at 3:30am and driving from East L.A. to Malibu to be on set by 4:50am. We would wrap at about midnight but all PA's had to stay to collect out times from the whole crew and it took perhaps another hour for everyone to wrap up there equipment. The schedule was hell on my body and social life. I literally had no time but to come home, sleep and shower. Sometimes I traded a shower for 20 more minutes of sleep. My roomate can attest to that.

On the first day I was asked to bring someone a coffee with half 'n' half and Splenda. I had no earthly idea what half 'n' half was or splenda. I assumed splenda was a term that originated from the word surplus so when I found out what half 'n' half was I thought the person wanted a surplus or alot of it. A splenda of half 'n' half I thought. Hey what can I say? I'm mexican! We don't use splenda. I dropped the cup of coffee on the way to deliver it but not before I tried to save it with my shoulder and arm. I got burned bad and now I have a coffee burn scar on my inner shoulder and upper left pectoral muscle which i were with pride. A reminder of my first day of the first full-length motion picture I ever worked on.

7 Pounds: Cast and Crew

That's the trailer for "7 Pounds'' which to those who may not know was the first film I've ever worked on. To many it's just any other trailer but to me and all the men and women who worked on the film, it's something more. It brought back great memories and has inspired me to write. I wrote until I found myself with 12 pages worth of material. Thats a bit too much for anyone blog and to much to ask for you to read in one sitting. I wouldn't be able to do it myself so I've decided to split it into 7 parts.

Let's start with a boring run through on who did what and what each job consist of. On the feature I was a Production Assistant or a PA for short. A Production Asssistant is simply that. Those who assist in production. Our PA's were made up of the following clowns: The veteran, the leader of our group and no doubt in my mind a future 2nd AD, MIKE KING. The girl who never had a mean thing to say about anyone and living proof that not all blonde are dumb, CATLIN PICKLIN. The one who taught me all I know, my brother from south of the boarder, ISSAC MEJIA. The 30 year old rookie who did everything but his job and made me feel like I wasn't the worst PA on set, BOBBY MORGAN. The kid from Philly, GREG SANTORO. Last but not least yours truely. We also had some PA's we added on certain days that we needed more than we had. Honorable mentions are my boss's german cousin Sabena and Hiro, who only left because he had a Judd Apatow film he had commited to before 7 POUNDS.

The director is often mistaken to be the most important person on set but the 1st AD is. He makes sure production is on time and that everything the director asks for is ready. Our 1st Assistant Director was Jeffery Wetzel or JP for short. Then comes the 2nd AD which was Paul Schneider, my boss. There is even a 3rd AD but he is refered to as the 2nd 2nd AD. Don't ask me why. I have no clue.


Director Gabriele Muccino and I


JP and I

When certain folks find out that I've worked on a film with Will Smith, the first thing they like to ask is if I've met him and how is he. I did meet him and his a cool guy but he usually kept to himself and his peeps, his entourage. Dude had guest star friends showing up every other day such as Nick Cannon, UFC champ Randy Couture, Alfonso Ribeiro and Tom Cruise. All in all I never got star struck but I did get nervous the first time I met Rosario Dawson. I didn't get nervous because of who she was but because up to that point I hadn't dealt with the actors. It just happened that at that moment all the other PA's were busy and they needed Rosario on set. I happen to be the one nearest to her. Afraid of how to approach her I called her name. "Rosario they need you on set''. I pronounce her name in spanish like its origin and I think she found it cute. She smiled and asked for my name. I told her and we shook hands. On our way to set I confessed how nervous I was to call on her and she reassured me that I shouldn't be. She said ''I don't bite...too hard".

Day 358

Dear blog,
It's been a minute since I last spoke to you. When I say minute don't take it literally, just speaking gangsta. Minute in gangsta meaning a lapse in time depending on how you use it BUT I digress. It's been a minute since I last spoke to you but not beacuse I haven't had the time. I always have time for you baby! It's just I haven't had material worthy enough of your time. When I'm with you I got to give you the best of me or nothing at all. If I'm not inspired to right or in the mood I got to make myself scarce.

Love Always,

Christopher Benito Soto or CBS for short

P.S. I have no middle name just fucking with ya!

I'd like to start in an unusal fashion... on a downer. The video is a cover version from a band called Motion City Soundtrack. Isn't it strange how we find things we aren't looking for? The romantic in me likes to say we don't find things or pick them, they find and pick us when we need them most. This is another clear example of that. I went on the web to find a movie to watch and found this old 70's flick called "The Conversation" so I pop that sucker into youtube's search engine and not only did I get the movie but the song called "The Conversation" which I've heard before but never quite like this. I love this track and play it at least once a day. With no further ado I give you Julia Nunes.

Wasn't that something? The original song is pretty emotional in itself but Julia Nunes knocks it out of the ballpark. Not since Billie Holiday has a female musician make me feel her pain like Julia Nunes does in this cover.

The meaning of life is to give life a meaning

I've always wondered what a day in my life would look like on T.V. I mean not only capturing what I say or do but even getting in my head, what I think. I'll try to walk you through my day today as well as I can remember with thoughts I recall having, minus the boring parts of course.

I find myself at a Jack in The Box in Carson at around 8:50am with two buddies I made through a film program. We're there because we're a couple minutes early from making a presentation at Carson High School trying to convince graduating seniors to join the program. Meanwhile my friends purchase food I think how I hate not having any money and it hit me more when they ate in front of me. And I didn't expect them to treat me nor do I like to them to because its just not proper! After THEY ate we presented to a couple drama classes. Inbetween classes the students had nutrition and as I watched them enjoying themselves I thought about how this has always been the only thing that really makes me miss high school. So much advantage and so much fun crammed into a 15min. period

This is the second time we did these presentations as a group (first was at my former high school) so we got a technique on how we present. One of my friends starts the presentation and I pick it up when he starts stumbling which is often very soon and the other guy stands shyly in the corner behind the piano. It might be an untradition way of presenting but it works and its quite a funny act. We make the students laugh with the way we talk to each other and present. I figure we should take the act on the road. I find girls far more interested in my buddies then the program while I've manage to gain the interest of a total of two homosexuals. So once we've finished we headed to the programs offices in Santa Monica and this is where I pin point the beginning of my horrible day.

While his driving, one of my buddies smokes cigarette after cigarette, literally, right in my face. I must of said something about it to him along the lines of "dude I'm inhaling that!" and he replied very rudely with a "well you can go to the back seat". This is where he started to tick me off and he does it often. He presses my buttons.

We get to the office and the treatment doesn't get any better. In retrospect the smoke incident made me put my guard up but one other person who was in the office when we got there started to join in and maybe they take my kindness for weakness but there was only so much I will take before I say ENOUGH and people see a side of me thats violent and a loose cannon. I'll wip an ass when it needs to be wipped. They began to criticize this blog. And it wasn't constrictive criticism. Not by a long shot. I strongly dislike how some folks see someone happy or something that makes them happy and they can't have that. They talk trash to discourage you. I don't pay much attention to what folks have to say about how or what I do with my life when there intentions are to harm. If some of you have nothing nice to say or find these blogs amusing for the wrong reasons well then I suggest you stop reading them because you have some growing up to do and these blogs are not meant for you. I'll stop talking about these negetive nancy's because I've spent far to much of my time on them.

Now back to my day. I didn't have my car with me. I rode with the smoker. He likes to impress people and I noticed this when he tried to use me as a punching bag to impress the other kids and with my quick wit I shot him down only to having him retort with "How you getting home?" And this is where I snapped and took off. I knew if I stayed I would have killed him. I don't take to kindly to anyone treatening me or anything of those matters. I walked to a bus stop and luckly for me I had exactly the required fare to get home.

On the ride home I thought about many things and I came up with a twist on a quote.

It's easier to burn bridges then to build them and I've never been a worker.

When I got home I decided thats not how I wanted to end my day which is the opposite of how I deal with these kind of days. I have a bad day and I find comfront staying home even though its not really my home. I even stay in many days without seeing the sun because I'd rather stay away from trouble and theres trouble outside these walls. What a wrong way of thinking, right? It's just one of those fucked up way of thinking teenagers have or in my case soon to be young adult.

It was a hot Cali day so I decided to treat myself to Jamba Juice. I eventually got there after some time in traffic. Hoping for a break on a rough day I finally got it. Ironically the break came in not taking advantage of the break. I purchased a drink and the cashier actually gave me back more money then he was meant to. It took me a mere second to do what needed to be done. I took the money!!!!! nah just joshing. I told the dude and I felt great! It made my day. The way I saw it, I was having a really bad day but as bad as it was I never let my integrity be affected. On the ride home traffic cleared up and everything ran smoothly.

Fresh on my mind I asked my brother what he would have done if he was in the Jamba Juice situation without telling him what had just happened to me. I asked "Would you take the money?"

He said Yes.

¡Si Se Puede!

My mexican culture is rich in men and women who stood up against injustice and inequality. They had their backs against the wall, fought seeming impossiblities for what they believed in but it wasn't until 1972 that a phrase was coined that would capture the spirit of those individuals before us and many ahead. More than being a simple idea it defined a man's convictions. More than a juxapose of words it became a protest anthem. It has a thunderous resonance in any language it's uttered. More recently it's been adopted by the 2008 democratic presidential candidate Barrack Obama for his pursuit of CHANGE.

In 2006 my mother crossed 5 state lines to join La Gran Marcha, a protest in downtown Los Angeles against the proposed congressional legislation H.R. 4437 which would have raise penalties for illegal immigration and classify unauthorized immigrants and anyone who helped them enter or remain in the US as felons. As I stood beside my mother on the steps of city hall I have to admit I wasn't knowledgeable of the reasons why over 500,000 people were protesting other than a vague idea of an injustice being done to illegal immagrants in our country. I remember thinking it was a site to see not realizing how this piece of legislation could have affected so many I knew, many of whom were my friends and relatives.

H.R. 4437 never passed the senate floor. Through out this fight the chant was heard.

Throughout American history, there have been moments that call on us to meet the challenges of an uncertain world, and pay whatever price is required to secure our freedom

-Barack Obama

We have reached one of those moments. We have to answer the call and seek change. What price are we willing to pay not too?

In 29 days, on November 4th we are given the chance to elect the next president of the United States of America and that's one our fundamental rights we can't take for granted. Don't be apathetic to it. Don't turn your head from it. You owe it to those who fought to give you the right for your voice to be heard, you owe it to future generations but most important of all, you owe it to yourselves.

Our country has been in a bad spot for 8 long years and we've reached a time for a CHANGE. Much like in everything aspect of my life I carry a HOPE in my heart through the darkest skies that things will be better. It's a HOPE carried in those three meaningful word associated with civil rights. It's a HOPE I see in Barrack Obama. I know for a long time it's been hard to have HOPE. We may lose HOPE in our government but we should never lose hope in our country and those in it.

"When we are really honest with ourselves, we must admit that our lives are all that truely belong to us. So it is how we use our lives that determines what kind of men we are. It is my deepest belief that only by giving our lives do we find life. I'm convinced that the truest act of courage, the strongest act of manliness is to sacrifice ourselves for others in a totally non-violent struggle for justice. To be a man is to sacrifice for others. God help us to be men"

-Cesar Chavez

Today is the last day to register to vote and I hope this hasn't reached those who haven't by days end or anytime there after. If it has do it. Let your voice be heard.

Where Do Nice Guys Finish?

"I don't know what to do" he says hopelessly as he covers his face with his hands.

"Girls like guys that treat them like shit, dog! They don't like you to be there for everything. They hate that. They see you treat them like crap and it opens their eyes." says his friend, believing he has mastered the woman

I overheard this conversation and I've heard many men say this and I've always wondered if they do.

Before I go any further I would like to ask you all a favor to get more perspective on this topic. I expect every single person who reads this blog to give me a reply. For the males tell me if you agree. For the ladies let me know if you in fact do act in this way or have these instincts or know of a girlfriend that does. To both genders if, you have stories, do tell. I know every single person is different but I'd like some answers and see where the majority stand on this topic. Have no fear into what others or I may think. You can leave it as a message on myspace or a comment on this page. With that said, shall we?

Women habitually date men that are jerks while the "nice" guys are often left twiddling their thumbs in solitaire. With exceptions to every rule I don't think I'm going out on a limb when I make that statement.

When a nice guy encounters a woman he is affectionate about, his passion gets the better of him. He treats her right and does all he can to make her happy or what he believes will make her happy. Note to the nice guys: What makes a woman happy isn't usually what you think will. The sure way for a man to lose a woman is by giving her everything she wants. To women the traits of a nice guy are the epitome of bordom, predictability and unattractiveness.

Woman, CORRECTION, Attractive Woman can have pretty much any guy they want but whats the fun in that? Why do we see gorgeous women with guys that look like uncle fester from the addam's family? There interested in the dudes that are not wandering around like a lost puppy waiting to be thrown a bone. A women loves a challenge, the chase. The unattainable if you will. What they can't have. They find it exhilarating and they find it in these jerks. The idea of the unattainable may not only apply to women but it's a woman made concept.

Let me prove that statement by asking a question to my fellow gentlemen out there.
"There is a woman who loves you uncontrollably and is there for you when you need her and then there's a girl that is nothing more then a headache, which would you prefer?"

I admit the way I stated the question is very misleading but the only way I could think of asking it.

A man has to be able to court a woman, amuse her and excite her while continuously remaining a challenge. Easier said then done.

Why do women yearn for misery? Is it a self-esteem problem? Daddy issues? I just don't know and in the end, with a 100% certainty, I believe a woman doesn't even know why they do it. Women generally don't know what they want from us.

Knowing a woman enjoys a jerk nice guys must not change to fit this insane criteria. You can't just stop being the nice guy. It's like asking someone to stop breathing. It's in our upbringing and in our human nature to be that way. For those poor bastards who know where I'm coming from way too well, I'd like to end this blog speaking to you. You don't have to change who you are. A woman will come around. She will get it out of her system. She will reach a point in her life where she will realizes what she has been really needing. A husband, father of one and a good friend once told me. "A woman will date the bad guy but end up with the nice guy." If you can endure tell then know that every dog has his day and nice guys don't finish last.

Bad luck has a Name

I've just recovered from the flu and it wasn't pretty. With no medicine or money to buy any, I had the flu for longer then I should have had it. I could have filled a 2liter bottle of your favorite soft drink with all the mucus I dished out but thats not very appealing to think about. All year long I never get sick but this damn flu bug always gets me around this time of year. It got me a bit earlier then ususal. I just had some pretty awful milk. The expiration date may say Oct.15 but the taste tells me different. I've been sleeping on a small uncomfortable couch for about a year now and it sucks! Neck cramps, sore backs, and walking up on the floor are what I could usually expect the morning after. Now before any of you go preach on to me about being grateful that I at least I have a couch to sleep on, I know! If I am grateful to have a couch how should you feel? You have your own cozy beds.



You've just witness an example of how I tend to go on random rants about a series of unfortunate events always using humor to put a light note on my misfortunes but there was a time when I use to deal with it differently. I use to wallow in my own self-pity. I couldn't deal with all the bad news I'd get all the time. They seemed to always pile up on me. One bad thing after another. "Why do these bad things happen to me all the time?!" I would ask to no one in particular. It became ridiculous how much would happen that I couldn't help but laugh at my luck. After sometime I stop fighting it and accepted it. I started sugarcoating it with the only way I knew how...with humor. Bad things happen to me "well that's the story of my life".



Seemed fitting.

Does this mean I concede to having a bad life and thats how its always going to be? No! Hell no! I would be the living dead if I did. But it lightens the force of the impact when it ever comes around, you know? If your ready for it then it can't hurt too bad. Whether rational or not this is how i deal. We all have irrational ways of handling our problems. I'm curious, Whats yours?

Expectations

October is finally here! Playoff baseball! A year closer to death! All Hallow's Eve! Its good to see somethings never change.

I got pulled away by a phone call right after writing the previous sentence. I'm back now... I'm a little upset now. I had an argument. What the argument was about is not important. What I have to do with that negative energy is channel it into something positive. Why did it upset me as much as it did? Let's think...oh wait! another call.

Just finished talking to some old buddies from high school and feel much better.

This is a perfect example of how the affect of talking to one person then another is night and day.

EXPECTATIONS!

I expect too much from that person and unfortuntely doing that will set me up for many letdowns.

People are not here to meet our expectations-Leo Buscaglia

That's such a great quote and it makes so much sense yet I can't cement it into my cranium to think that way.

Just under a year ago I experienced what I consider to be the greatest and happiest three to four days of my life and I believe it to be so great in part because I had no expectations of it being anything and it turned out to be everything. I was just in a different mindset then.

Its tough to not put much thought into someone you think highly of . I can't! Its like neglecting someone from being something great.

Do I lower my expectations? I can already hear one person's voice telling me "NO!" A loud one a that.

I expect much from many of you and at times I'm letdown. It bums me out!

Ahhh!!!! Its like 1:30 in the morning and I can't think anymore. So much I would like to add to this topic but I don't think I could say much more. My brain's fried! Oh well. I bet you all expected more from me. (Laugh)